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Photo by Timothy Dykes on Unsplash

by AJ Canterbury

My world drastically changed in March 2000.

How’s that for a dramatic beginning?

It’s not an exaggeration though. I remember walking back to my college dorm room after a night of prepping the latest edition of the newspaper, believing the night was now over. Behind my closed door, I heard my phone ringing, and I fumbled the key in the lock, scrambling to get to it in time.

The news which awaited me on the other end of the phone call shook my reality. I thought things were going on as normal, just another typical weekday on campus. The phone call intercepted that reality.

My aunt’s slow, meek tone, on the other end of the line, alerted me that this was not a “catch up” type of call. She explained that my mom had finally requested to go into the ER because of the mysterious numbness in her arms and legs that had plagued her the past months. The hospital immediately performed a CT scan.

“Honey,” my aunt started, choking on the words, “They found a mass on her brain.”

The biopsy was scheduled for the following day, so I immediately launched into packing a suitcase. While family scheduled my trip home, I arranged my leave of absence from school and a ride to the airport. In between the frantic planning, I fought through the emotional breakdowns, surrendering to the cries of grief and fear before forcing them back so I could finish my tasks.

In such a short amount of time, my world had imploded and I reached out with tremulous hands to grasp some kind of stable ledge. 

It was the worst day of my life. The months leading up to her death, and the tumultuous grief afterward, remained hard. My life really was never the same.

I imagine, most of us have experienced pain like this, or fear receiving such a call. A call, a report, a moment, where another reality sidelines your expectations. 

The scriptures assure me that the end of the story is not my grief

When Pain Causes Unexpected Results

What do we do when life does this to us? When a diversion suddenly arrives to cart us down a path we had no intention of going? Is there any purpose for the horrible things that stop us in our tracks?

The scriptures assure me that the end of the story is not my grief. Even my worst day bears the mark of his redemption. My pain has purpose.

Paul’s words in Philippians comfort my despondent heart when I remember the events leading up to my mom’s death and the lifestyle change that followed. Through them I glimpse a God who is sovereign over tragedy and interruptions.

The apostle Paul writes to the church at Philippi after he has been arrested for preaching the gospel. His purpose had been clear up until this point. God had commissioned him to spread the good news of Christ’s atoning work on the cross to the Gentiles, those who would not been born Jewish.

Working to introduce Jesus to other countries while encouraging the churches he had already established, kept Paul pretty occupied. An arrest would seem a critical diversion from what he should be doing. With Paul locked away in a prison cell, his enemies had assumed that his message would be silenced.

Because of this assumption, his perspective strikes the reader as jarring. Paul writes: “I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel,” (Philippians 1:12).

Instead of putting a halt to the spread of the gospel, Paul asserts his imprisonment caused his message to go further than it would have were he liberated. That’s a pretty bold claim.

He continues, “so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard and to all the rest that my imprisonment is for Christ. And most of the brothers, having become confident in the Lord by my imprisonment, are much more bold to speak without fear (13-14).

Paul’s time in prison served two purposes. One, he shared the good news with all the guards. Two, it ignited the courage of other believers to preach boldly while Paul was absent. God worked good even in his trial.

Was that all that God did? Was he just being reactionary? Did God just take the bad luck of Paul’s imprisonment and turn it into something positive?

Since God is aware of all things, then he would’ve known that Paul would be arrested. Since God is sovereign and in control of all things, he certainly could’ve prevented Paul from being arrested. After all, he had done that before.

There seems to be more at work here, like an orchestrated purpose is involved. 

It was no accident that Paul was arrested and placed under the care of the guards he would then share the gospel with. And God had every intention of equipping the other believers to share the gospel with as much conviction as Paul. God’s plan wasn’t thwarted by those opposed to the gospel.

The pain caused by the opposition served as the vehicle God used to accomplish his purposes. It’s a startling to see the dichotomous relationship between pain and providence. Paul’s enemies intended to quiet his message by throwing him in prison; God intended to advance the spread of his gospel by throwing Paul in prison.

Pain has purpose.

Evidences of the Redemptive Purposes of Pain

This is not the only time that God has acted in this way. When Jesus gave his final commands to the disciples after his resurrection, he told them this, “’but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit will come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, into the ends of the earth.’” (Acts 1:8).

After the murder of Stephen, the church experienced persecution and was driven out of Jerusalem. The Bible records where the believers went: “and there arose on the day a great persecution against the church in Jerusalem, and they were all scattered throughout the regions of Judea and Samaria” (Acts 8:1, emphasis added).

The dispersion of the church came at the hands of its enemies, but they ended up going exactly to the places God purposed for the church to go.

The crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus represents the strongest evidence God using the very worst moment to accomplish the very thing he intended. Another specific story in the Old Testament models the consistency of a God who carries out purpose in pain.

Genesis 37 begins the story of Joseph. God had a very clear mission for Joseph’s life, which was to save Israel by getting them to Egypt. But at the beginning of the story, Joseph is in Canaan, a long way from Egypt. In a fit of jealousy, envy, and hatred his brothers sell Joseph into slavery. The slave traders then cart Joseph down to be auctioned off in, you guessed it, Egypt.

The rest of Genesis records the fascinating story of the additional trials that came upon Joseph, all of which ultimately land him next to Pharaoh, where he gives the regent counsel which eventually brings the Israelites to Egypt. After Joseph reunited with his brothers, he tells them, “and do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life” (Genesis 45:5).

The brothers intention was one of hatred, to destroy, but God’s intention was one of preservation, to save. Just to solidify the point, Joseph continues, “so it was not you who sent me here, but God.” (8).

Just as he had done in Paul’s imprisonment, and in the dispersion of the church, God used the horrific betrayal by Joseph’s brothers to accomplish his purpose. This is not a reactionary God. These are examples of a God who is incredibly purposeful in all that he does and all that he allows.

When I reflect upon these results of tragedy, I see beauty. I see a God whose actions are often confusing and mysterious, but who always accomplishes redemption. I see a God who really does do all things well.

Hope For Your Worst Day

So what does this have to do with my opening story of the phone call that radically devastated my world? These examples in Scripture grant me a hope that cannot be extinguished.

The phone call, my mother’s death, and the subsequent changes to my future were the most difficult moments of my life. From my narrow perspective, they appeared as nothing more than sabotages to what my future could be. Hope of getting back to some level of normalcy was out of the question.

If God is indeed purposeful in all that he does then even the death of my mother was not a meaningless tragedy. Her death was an intention of God to further his redemptive story. And he has allowed me to glimpse how he does that.

There are people I had the opportunity to pour life into because of my geographic move. People, I would have not otherwise met. I am now equipped to comfort others as they grieve, in a capacity I can only because I, too, have experienced loss. Most importantly, God perfected my faith through the worst day of my life, knitting my heart closer to his own.

When I reflect upon these results of tragedy, I see beauty. I see a God whose actions are often confusing and mysterious, but who always accomplishes redemption. I see a God who really does do all things well.

Can this be true of you? Maybe you presently sit in the rubble. Maybe you just received your disruptive phone call, and right now you are experiencing the worst day of your life. What if there is a God who is working a beautiful, redemptive purpose through your circumstance right now?

You may be too close to see this yet, and that’s okay. No one expects you to jump immediately to this  conclusion. I have the advantage of 23 years of hindsight looking back on my worst  day.

But whether you can see it or not does not alter its truth. You have a purposeful God who wastes nothing, especially your pain and life disruptions. I challenge you, as you wait to catch a glimpse of his redemption, find your rest in the one who controls everything. Think of these things.

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